I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
