he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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