Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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