I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
