This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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