You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
