I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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