I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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