my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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