I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
