Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Your penis caused this!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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