you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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