Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
