Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
