well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
