bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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