She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
