my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
