I'm really into asian looking animals
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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