I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
