guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I didn't notice because vodka
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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