just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
