It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Houston, we have a blender
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
and you fell through a lawn chair
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
