so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
