That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
