I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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