Don't you send me to vm
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
