apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
