Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just threw up on my dentist
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
