I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
