remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
