$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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