I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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