maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
