maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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