i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
