we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Come on in and take your pants off
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