Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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