he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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