he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
