everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
