My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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