are you still at the devil's house?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The power of my boobs compel you
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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