This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
