And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
