remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
