I have demons in me.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
