She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
