My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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