the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
