is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I want her autograph on my taint
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
