I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
