Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
