so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
