So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
