Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
