So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
