Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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