I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
