I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
