dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
COCAINE IS GR8
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
