I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
