There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
