OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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