i permit you to call me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
