You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
