32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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